When They Just Trying to Get a Nut

Red pilling the masses on the squirrel question.


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6 shares, 12 points

  As sure as, water is wet and bronies are pedophiles good people, squirrels are a menace. Sitting on your porch, sip in hand, and loyal doge by your side, you notice a squirrel across the street. Your waifu gushes about, "How cute the little brown ones are..." As with most things wymin say, this too should be ignored. Your growling doge knows the score, the squirrels have got to go. Despite being only 13% of the common animal population they account for 53% of all attic damage and can often carry disease. If allowed to continue it will not be long before property values are plummeting, animal control is stepping up patrols, and everywhere you look there is squirrel H.I.V. (Hiding In Vents)

 Squirrels have low agency and an I.Q. to match. If squirrels were people they would need a government program mandating a certain percentage of them be allowed into college despite them being incredibly dumb. There are no 1st world squirrel nations for a reason. They do not have the ability to defer gratification in general. They don't plant trees. They merely exploit them. This fact will not stop them from claiming a tree you planted as their own and any measures you take to keep them from shitting up the place as oppression. 

 

   At least I have the constitution... that allows me to bear arms. Our forefathers were right. Before there was politics there was hunting. One quick search engine query on your local laws and options on how to confront the hairy brown horde bearing down on the ethnostate that is your home. Live traps (not the gay ones) are an affordable and easy solution. They can be set up almost anywhere and baited with things as simple and cheap as dry corn. Which is as attractive to squirrels as gold teeth and mix tapes are to Lauren Southern. (Just kidding L.S. we love you. No homo.) Air rifles for lolis or those suffering the blue state blues is an option. Bows with small game arrows can provide a gratifying LARP as Arthur Morgan if one can keep themselves from catching the tb., black lung, or terminal lumbago. Be the Rhodesian security forces during Operation Dingo or just a man taking care of your property and providing food for your family.


  Screw your optics! Squirrels go to the oven. Don't just kill small animals you freak. EAT THEM. Lean, clean, delicious, untaxed meat literally grows in trees. Engage your search engines and find any recipe that looks good to you and then cook it. I'm told cast iron is really cheap these days and it makes for fine cooking of game meat. Channel your inner chad, get in touch with your roots, clean up your neighborhood, and get some sun like your mother told you to, NEET.


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